This Was Supposed to Be

Sometimes we don't like reality.  We might not think it is fair.  We might feel that we are being treated unjustly.   And so long as those are our beliefs we're at odds with it.

Being at odds with reality is;  a)  suffering and b) caused our own internal dialogue/thinking/conversation.

When I read many of the forum posts about people in relationship with narcissists, the conversations are often some version of "this is not right" or "can you believe they did this".   While reality sometimes sucks, reality is reality.  They did it!  And if you don't believe it or believe it or think it was unjust it doesn't matter.  They did it!

Accepting they did it doesn't mean you think it was the right thing.

Accepting that there was an injustice doesn't mean you condone it.

Accepting what has transpired is just acknowledging it happened and realizing that all the dialogue about  the injustices won't change that or make it right.  It happened.  It is what it is.

I have had much internal dialogue since I figured out that I was raised by a narcissist and co-dependent, about what could have been.   Essentially that dialogue is fighting reality.  It is implicitly saying what happened shouldn't have happened.   And in the act of playing that recording over and over again in my head, I enforce the lack of acknowledgement and acceptance and in turn enforce the cycle.

Freedom comes having the ability to make choices.  Meditation has helped me identify in real time when I am getting into that cycle.  And my free will is giving the my choice, "it happened, it sucked, it was, and I am beyond that now."