Healing

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves”. ~ T.S. Eliot

It seems important to me to remember my intentions.    It is easy to want retribution.   The pathology of the disorder is such that the true victims are not the person with the disorder.  The inventory of damage done to me, probably unknowingly by him, is formidable.   Like bent steel, it is hard to get it back or even get it back into some semblance of functionality.  I am angry for the injustices.

When you log onto any ACON (adult children of narcissists) forum you'll find a lot of ranting about those injustices.  Yet, for me retribution isn't my goal.  Healing is.

I'll never get him to acknowledge that he has in anyway damaged or hurt me.

Every episode I truly anticipate and expect my mother will intercede on my behalf.  But the truth is she is nor forged and shaped into his accomplice and the intervention never comes. Rather she enforces and reinforces his malignant behavior.

"No contact" seems to be the only suggested steps for recovery.  Unto itself, I am not sure it has moved me much towards healing.  But it is a statement in my autonomy and right to not subject myself to more abuses.

So... My posts and my writing is with a few intentions.  To heal and to maybe, through documenting the process, help someone else heal.  Let us heal and be happy.