What I've learned since figuring out I was raised in a highly narcissistic environment is how much of our lives is governed by emotions. And in my case, how many of my "normal" emotional reactions were formed by my tainted/affected upbringing. Those two insights alone I think are key. How can we begin to change without recognizing the dynamics of what is twisting us.
The intensity of my emotions with respect to my parents has been huge. On one hand I wanted love and acceptance/approval. On the other, because of the disorder, I will never get it. Understanding that dynamic is big. I was chasing something unattainable.
I've also been chasing retribution. I'm upset for how I have been treated and how it has effected me.
I'm at a critical juncture now. I know that being angry and desiring retribution are natural human reactions to facing trauma. But I also know seeking them is futile.
Bill Clinton said that what he learned from Nelson Mandella was "let it go." I know and feel that that advise would be more than appropriate for me. But I just haven't been able to figure out how to do it. Lately I've been grappling with the idea of acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean I approve or agree with something. But it does mean I am acknowledging it is real and not putting up resistance to it.
For me "acceptance" is easier to understand and effectuate than "letting go" but
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