Vindication is, in short, a human reaction and need to being wronged.
My first impulse was to use the word "victim". The "victim" of a narcissistic relationship... I'm gonna go with that for a just a minute and then correct that term. As "victims" of a narcissistic relationship our need for vindication is engrained and strong. If you go onto any narcissistic forum, you'll read rant after rant of people seeking vindication. The need is instinctual, strong and relentless.The problem with the "victim" seeking vindication are two fold.
The first is, it will never happen. A narcissistic person is sick in the sense that they cause other people misery but they are unable to see themselves as the cause or in anyway take any form of responsibility for it. They are actually repulsed by themselves for their misdeeds and feel a huge sense to lash out - to protect themselves. Hence the yelling, putdowns and walking away. So seeking acknowledgement they caused a problem is futile. It ain't gonna happen.
The second is by viewing ourselves as victims and demanding or seeking vindication we are giving the narcissist the power. Their granting of vindication is what is between us and our healing.
I believe that this is where I (and many others who have had narcissistic relationships) get stuck. We keep hoping they'll see the truth and sense in things and grant us vindication but they never will and by us giving them the sole power to our healing we stay stuck in a negative "victim" cycle. We are literally gnawing at our own leg trying to free ourselves.
For me there is a truth that is hard to face. I was hurt crushingly badly as a kid. The "hurts" are many. And the impact is felt today. I'm anxiety ridden, not good enough, shamed and guilty, and depressed. And I want the father who I believe caused much of my misery to right his wrongs.
Yeah! Right! I want the shooter to fix the wounds. And in that very spot, in that very normal human reaction, I stay stuck. Cause it will never happen. He will continue to scream, tell me it didn't happen, walk away and put me down - but he will never ever never ever never ever take responsibility for his own misguided behavior.
Yet despite all this intellectual "insight" I'm stuck. Emotions govern logic 100 to 1. Intellectualize about the vindication trap all day long but my emotional need for vindication prevail.
